today love smiled on me.: mark

Friday, 26 August 2016

Birthdays..

Hey!

So, it's my birthday on the 29th August and I'm turning twenty! It seems pretty surreal to be turning 20 when I still feel like 15 most days. I don't feel like an 'adult', haha. Anyway, my post today is going to be a little bit more personal because I'm sure there are loads of people out there who could relate!

Basically, I lost my mum in 2013 exactly 3 weeks after I turned 17 which would've been hard enough on it's own but I then lost my brother in the February of 2014. Ever since, birthdays (understandably) have been something that I never really want to celebrate. Of course I know that that's what they'd want me to do, I know that and I always do celebrate because life goes on after all and I have to get on with my life but it still doesn't change my feelings.

I obviously miss them both so much every day, days like birthdays/christmas and anniversaries make it that little bit worse though because you just know in your heart that you need and want them there.

Turning 20 just seems like such a huge milestone in my life to not have my mum there with me. When you're younger you expect your mum will be with you always, to hold your hand through at least half of your life but for me, that was all ripped away from me when I was barely an adult and I've never been able to get over it. I feel like she should be here and be celebrating all of her babies no longer being teenagers... It's just scary to think that I'm only 20 - only got exactly 17 years and 3 weeks with her and it feels like no time at all. It's not fair and it just makes me sad all the time.

As for my brother not being here, it's unfair too - he was only 33 when he passed away. That's only 13 years older than I'm going to be! I feel sad that he barely got to live and properly experience life and everything it has to offer. It's so sad to think that your own head can completely tear you apart (which his did) and I always feel like there is a definite hole in the room at family dinners when he isn't there - mostly cracking silly jokes! :)

Anyway, I just thought since I was feeling a bit 'meh' about my birthday I'd do this little post.. Thank you for reading!

Other places to find me:

email/business - rachelgarmentmua@outlook.com

Other blog posts to read whilst you wait for a new one:

Fave Songs Right Now

20 Important Things To Remember
My Brow Dream Team

Friday, 5 August 2016

Mark's Golf Day/Fundraising Night.

Hey!

So for anyone that doesn't know, my big brother, Mark passed away on the 3rd February 2014. He suffered from mental health issues throughout most of his teenage and adult life. He was only 33 when he died and it broke our family and his friends hearts. He was very much a loved, wonderful guy by everyone who knew him and I always feel blessed to have not only known him but have him as my big brother and another fatherly figure to me!

Anyway, since last year, a few of Mark's closest friends have decided to do an annual sporting event in his memory which of course, my family were happy for them to do. They decided on a golf tournament where around 40 guys who knew and loved Mark all get to compete and have a good day in memorial of him. There's a trophy (amongst other prizes) that the guys taking place can win. The trophy gets engraved every year with the winning team member's names!

Anyway along with the golf tournament, this year there is a fundraising night where people can donate to the Scottish Association for Mental Health which of course me and my family agreed was an amazing cause!
I'm going to leave the donation page >>>> here <<<< so if you want to donate, you can!

Update:

It's the day after and my stepdad's team won yesterday and getting to hand over the trophy to him along with my two nephews (who are Mark's babies) was amazing and such a lovely experience! The donation page has also passed the £1000 target which honestly is amazing and I am so grateful for Mark's great bunch of friends, my other brother Alan's great bunch of friends and our family who made the day and night amazing!