Hey!
So, it's my birthday on the 29th August and I'm turning twenty! It seems pretty surreal to be turning 20 when I still feel like 15 most days. I don't feel like an 'adult', haha. Anyway, my post today is going to be a little bit more personal because I'm sure there are loads of people out there who could relate!
So, it's my birthday on the 29th August and I'm turning twenty! It seems pretty surreal to be turning 20 when I still feel like 15 most days. I don't feel like an 'adult', haha. Anyway, my post today is going to be a little bit more personal because I'm sure there are loads of people out there who could relate!
Basically, I lost my mum in 2013 exactly 3 weeks after I turned 17 which would've been hard enough on it's own but I then lost my brother in the February of 2014. Ever since, birthdays (understandably) have been something that I never really want to celebrate. Of course I know that that's what they'd want me to do, I know that and I always do celebrate because life goes on after all and I have to get on with my life but it still doesn't change my feelings.
I obviously miss them both so much every day, days like birthdays/christmas and anniversaries make it that little bit worse though because you just know in your heart that you need and want them there.
Turning 20 just seems like such a huge milestone in my life to not have my mum there with me. When you're younger you expect your mum will be with you always, to hold your hand through at least half of your life but for me, that was all ripped away from me when I was barely an adult and I've never been able to get over it. I feel like she should be here and be celebrating all of her babies no longer being teenagers... It's just scary to think that I'm only 20 - only got exactly 17 years and 3 weeks with her and it feels like no time at all. It's not fair and it just makes me sad all the time.
Turning 20 just seems like such a huge milestone in my life to not have my mum there with me. When you're younger you expect your mum will be with you always, to hold your hand through at least half of your life but for me, that was all ripped away from me when I was barely an adult and I've never been able to get over it. I feel like she should be here and be celebrating all of her babies no longer being teenagers... It's just scary to think that I'm only 20 - only got exactly 17 years and 3 weeks with her and it feels like no time at all. It's not fair and it just makes me sad all the time.
As for my brother not being here, it's unfair too - he was only 33 when he passed away. That's only 13 years older than I'm going to be! I feel sad that he barely got to live and properly experience life and everything it has to offer. It's so sad to think that your own head can completely tear you apart (which his did) and I always feel like there is a definite hole in the room at family dinners when he isn't there - mostly cracking silly jokes! :)
Anyway, I just thought since I was feeling a bit 'meh' about my birthday I'd do this little post.. Thank you for reading!
Anyway, I just thought since I was feeling a bit 'meh' about my birthday I'd do this little post.. Thank you for reading!
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email/business - rachelgarmentmua@outlook.com
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